I Graduated Today.

Framily (friends and family)

            I am excited to announce that today; I took my final exam at Central Michigan University.  I have been working like a mad woman to complete my degree in a timely fashion. Although my school career has been a little hastier than most, I didn’t miss out on much. I leave college with some lifetime friendships, great memories, and a Bachelors Degree in Entrepreneurship and Marketing.  Thank you to everyone who has made this a memorable experience for me.  I’m afraid if I tried to acknowledge everyone who has helped, you would get bored of reading all of the names, so instead I will let you share in this moment of thanking my parents…

Mom and Dad

These words won’t put a dent in the amount of admiration I have for you guys.  I wanted to tell you how thankful I am for providing me with the opportunity to attend college. In my time here at school, my respect for you and your choices has grown immensely. I can finally begin to fathom how much work and effort you have put into providing your children with educations.

Although I never learned how to follow rules, (specifically ones provided by parking services) college has been the ultimate gift for me. I feel confident and excited about the opportunities to come and whether they require a degree or not, you will be the only reason they are presented to me at all.

Your love and support is the foundation to any and all of my personal success. Thank you for all of your hard work and support, without you none of this would have been possible.

All my love,

Hannah

SENIOR YEAR

JUNIOR YEAR

SOPHOMORE YEAR

 FRESHMAN YEAR

Not pregnant, not engaged, and not married. Not mad.

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO INSULT THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED OR PREGNANT OR BOTH.

Read it again if you have to...

I'm gonna start out by saying, I may or may not have "attachment" issues. Note, that I didn't say "commitment" issues, because this is very different. I have no problem committing to things. I can commit to a job, a dog, a cat, a degree, ahhh.... ummm...a... oh, wait, not much else... I can commit to myself! 

I am so dangerously (for my ovaries sake) far away from "attaching" myself to anything or anyone who might alter MY plans. I know, lots of people like to call it, having commitment issues, but I could not disagree more. 

I won't deny that I am far too selfish to focus on anyone else right now, but I have never felt more ready for my life. It seems like most everyone is getting married and having babies on my Facebook feed, and while I feel excited and happy for them to start the next chapter of their lives, I could not feel more relieved my own plans differ so much.

I have every intention to get married one day and have tens of thousands of babies (wow right?) with that beautiful man, but I am not the least bit concerned with doing it in this very moment. 

SO, 

This blog is meant to be a bit of encouragement for you ladies rockin' the un-attached lifestyle !

Here are some things you can look forward to in your un-attached style of living:

1) Un-attached does NOT in, any way, mean ALONE. 

Enjoy a committed relationship, or two, or three! In fact enjoy any relationship, you're allowed too! Some people say you only date to marry, I say date if it makes you happy! What could be so wrong about enjoying good company, even if your paths lead different ways? Talk to the cutie in your class. Date him if ya want to :D

2) You can live ANYWHERE!

Think of all the beautiful, exotic, dangerous places you can go...YOU CAN GO THERE. You're at a point where you can decide things based on your feelings, and your feelings alone. WOOT WOOT

3) You can have cats and dogs galore. 

I know, I guess that doesn't seem that cool to anybody else but me...but I'm stoked about it. 

4) You can have your dream job.

Take this time to do all the things that you're passionate about, and if you don't know, find the things you're passionate about. Work up to the position your little heart desires without the worries of when you're gonna get home!

5) You can have a clean apartment...or house..or tent. 

You have the option of living in the cutest little girly place you can find if it's what you fancy...how fabulous? I have never enjoyed my living situation more, than when I lived by myself. I walked around in my undies 70% of the time, and I only had to do my own dishes! YUM. 

6) Your vast network of friends will undoubtably be over for wine night.

Boyfriends, boyfriend, or no boyfriend, you can always rely on your good friends for a awesome night. I guarantee your best friend snuggles better that any guy you could possibly want to take home.

I know that's only six things...but use your brain, there are plenty of reasons to love being in a relationship with yourself. 

Stop trying to tie yourself down. Embrace the beautiful un-attached lifestyle!

Travel, work towards something, friend as hard as you can, and enjoy a glass of wine in the nude of your adorable, clean apartment in the most fabulous place you can imagine.  

This blog  would be incomplete without some cheezy Independent woman music video at the end...

Food for thought,

Han B.

A Dangerous Way of Thinking, Is Religion Contributing?

Recently, a friend of mine shared an article via Facebook that I just couldn't keep my mouth shut, about. It's called "That Day I Wore Yoga Pants: 5 Myths about Modesty" and to me, this article is nothing about Yoga pants. 

Without turning this blog-post into some sort of religious debate, I just want to speak about my opinion of this dangerous, "submissive-attitude".


Please read the article before continuing, or else, none of this will make sense to you. 


First off, I am admittedly a form of feminist.

When I say this, I mean that I will always try my hardest to be the best I can, and if that means being better than a boy, so be it. I simply look at it in the way that, if I try my hardest at succeeding in whatever it is I do, than the man I marry will be equally as ambitious or even more so than myself, and who wouldn't want that? I stand for equality, respect, and intelligent competition, and if that makes me a feminist, then I guess I am. 

Also, (on a side-note) I wear Yoga Pants all day, everyday. They are comfortable, and I work at a Yoga Studio, so this article already sucks. 

Now, 

I understand that this article was posted with the intention of spreading some sort of "Christian" (and mind you, this is not specific to just Christianity, but instead seems to appear in most religions in some form) way of thinking, but to me this article could be the reason why, on the opposite end of the spectrum, so many women are being objectified today. 

The author of this article is allowing herself to become even more of a sex object and she doesn't even realize it. There is no power in deciding not to "tempt" men, the real power is not involving men in your decision at all. This kind of an attitude, the one where, we consider our moves based on men at all, is the reason men objectify women in the first place, Instead of saying " I don't want to tempt him" or "I do want to tempt him", just say "I want to wear these pants for ME". 

This kind of attitude could and is harmful to the way men view women. When we allow what men think or say guide out thoughts or actions, we are objectifying ourselves. We are letting ourselves be controlled and we are contributing to a hazardous mentality. 

Many women in abusive relationships have just that, a "submissive-attitude". 

Where does this kind of mentality stop?

Surely, one can see the correlation between "I shouldn't wear that, as I don't want to tempt him" and "I should't have broken that glass, and I deserve (said punishment)"

Eliminate Objectification.

I'v said this in previous posts. The only way anyone gets respect is by demanding it. 

Be a well-rounded woman of intelligence, passion, humor, and motivation and you will attract a man of equal stature. Be a woman who submits as to not "tempt" a man, and you will attract a man too weak to deal with "temptation" on his own. 

I respect modesty, but make sure you're doing it for yourself, not for anyone else. 

Food for thought,

Han B. 

Is he playing "hard-to-get", or are you just playing "hard-to-avoid"?

I'm mean. 

I give out fake numbers, fake names, and I even sometimes fake that I have no interest in the entire sex of the pursuing party. 

WHY?

Sometimes, because I can and sometimes, because I can. 

Makes a lot of sense right?

Here's the thing, this is not specific to just me and it's for sure not specific to just my gender.

Why am I talking about this?

Sometimes, as the pursuing party we forget that we don't always get what we want,  and not only that, but we need to stop calling.

Girls make up excuses for why he's not answering, or calling back. 

"He must have his phone off"

"Maybe he went out of town"

"Maybe he's playing hard-to-get"

"Maybe he died"

NOPE. 

I mean, sure, there could be the case of drunken boy dropping his phone in the toilet...and now, he's phone-less, but, let's get real ladies, he's not answering because he doesn't care and/or he's not interested. 

Boys are pretty simple creatures. 

Boy wants Cheetos, boy eats Cheetos.

Boy wants to play x-box all day, boy plays x-box all day.

Boy wants to shit with the door open, boy shits with the door open. 

Simple. 

Boys do what they WANT to. 

If he's not answering, it's probably because he doesn't WANT to. 

If he didn't invite you over, it's probably because he doesn't WANT you there. 

NOW, don't be all heart broken because some kid decided not to return your interest, think about all the times some weirdo approached you with his heart in a box at a club and you were all "bahahahhahahahaa" in his face and dancing away, spilling your drink on everyone as you did so.

You're mean too. 

Not only are you mean, but you can also be a real bitch when you want to.

Just because you put on your nicest dress and do your hair, doesn't mean he has to look your way. 

It's a hard truth to face, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. 

SO here's what you need to stop doing: 

1) calling him

If he likes you, he will call you

2) Facebook stalking him

Just stop, it's pathetic, and no he's not dating all of the pretty girls in his profile picture

and

3)giving a shit

You're pretty, and there's definitely some weirdo at the club who wants to make you his wife, so stop bitching about how you don't understand why he doesn't like you. Think about how you feel about club-weirdo, yup, that's how he feels about you. 

Here's what you need to start doing:

1) dressing up for yourself

2) dancing for fun

and

3) getting over it

I'm not saying I'm pro at boys, but I am saying, not giving shit, sure beats being pitty-party-patty.

Take a guess as to why weirdo boy plays X-box in his boxers and eats Cheetos all day. It's because so many girls like you turned him down and he learned how to not give a shit. 

Maybe we need to follow their example? Seems like a prime coping method. 

I like Cheetos. 

-Han B

The Culture of not Condoning (sex)

Dear Parents of the world, 

A while ago I stumbled across an article called "Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Some Fucking Awesome Sex" ...I had thoughts on it immediately after reading it, but didn't write about it. I am currently taking a Human Sexuality class in school, and I really enjoy it, but today's lecture reminded me of this article and now I have to write about the "Non-condoning culture" I believe in.

In my other blogs I talk about having an open sexuality and engaging in whatever kind of devious practices you chose to enjoy on your own time, so as a reader, you can assume my intention is not to outright "shame" people for having active sex-lives. Instead, I wanted to talk about the beauty in keeping the traditional act of discouraging and not condoning teens and children to have sex at young ages.

My professor compared the rate of teen-pregnancies, abortions, and STDs in the United States today to the rates in those of European countries. The United States was noticeably higher than the rates of the European countries compared in the graph. He then went on to say that the reason he believes this is the case, is because of Europe's open-sexual-education policy.  The concept is that, with an open-mind and open-dialog policy about sex, teens are less likely to contract STDs and more likely to engage in safe sex, due to the education provided. This, I cannot disagree with. It would seem that this would be a plausible-direct-effect of sexual education.

Of coarse, playing devil's advocate, I had to ask the question, "How do these rates compare to countries where premarital sex is shamed by way of disownment, violence, and even death?" I know, it's not really a statistic we could ever obtain due to the societal-shame-factor involved, meaning even if the statistics where significantly lower, we would never know because nobody would ever be able to speak-up about premarital sex experiences in fear of being "shamed" (whatever that term may mean in said culture).

I am certainly not, condoning, in any way, shaming, by way of violence (verbal or physical), disownment, or death... but instead bringing back the traditional idea that sex, is something that parents should not be condoning, in anyway, with teens and children.

For me, personally, the "sex-talk" was an on-going conversation through-out my teen-years with my parents. They always had answers to my question, and I knew I could ask them anything I needed/wanted to about sex, anatomy, and other related topics, thats not to say I always did, or that I wasn't ever too embarrassed to ask (know your boundaries people and thank God for Google). This kind of open-relationship allowed me to feel confident that my parents trusted and respected my siblings and I, and had our backs in whatever situation we found ourselves in. This kind of honesty leads to a healthy relationship and parent-offspring bonding every family should strive for.

While my parents had an open-dialog policy about sex, they DID NOT in any way, ever condone premarital sex.  My parents never pushed, but rather educated us on their personal views of religion. My intention is not to make this a religious debate, but to show the reader that religious or not, this standard can be upheld in any household. They didn't condone premarital sex out of pure concern for the health of us (their children), not because of religious views.

Here's where my opinion varies from "Dear Daughter Daddy"

Obviously, I am biased to my own upbringing when I say this, but I believe in the "non-condoning culture" when it comes to sex. Sex should not be "shamed" nor should parents teach their children to feel shame or guilt when engaging in sexual acts, but more or less, not be indifferent to such acts.

Here's why:

On a very basic note, creating and teaching a level of respect and acknowledgment of intimacy for the act of sex, can only do humanity good. I'm not asking parents to lie to their kids and tell them that sex will kill them, but to entertain the idea of creating a sense of fulfillment that can only come from having respectable and honest sexual relations. By honest, I mean honest with themselves. Helping your children create an awareness of the beauty in intimacy.

I want to give my children the opportunity to respect my thoughts as a parent, or at the very least to break rules as teens (a feeling we all know well and look back upon fondly), both of which I feel are important experiences.

Bottom line, teach your children to respect themselves and hope that when the time comes they have a healthy and safe sex-life. Be honest and open, but teach the values of waiting and honoring one's body. I promise your kids will learn to love you for it.

Thanks Mom and Dad,


Han B. 

That insecure girlfriend that no one likes.

Whats been on my mind?


I'm a girl who hangs out with guys. For multiple reasons.

1) They don't talk as much. Ladies, don't get me wrong I love having girl time to, but I am a woman who can appreciate silence, and those moments are galore when you're gaming with a buncha fellas and few when you're gossiping and painting nails with the ladies.
2) I am a born tom-boy. I get a long well with guys and that's the way it is.
3) WE ARE FRIENDS, just as much of friends as you and your best friend Cindy seem to be.

Here's where my passionate blog begins.


LADIES GET A HOLD OF YOUR INSECURITIES!

I love ya girl. I feel for ya, I really do.  I'v been cheated on. I'v had my heart broken.

BUT

I will never be the girl who says things like "you can't hang out with her" or  the girl who drops "subtle" hints like"oh, you're hanging out with her? I have to go now. Bye"

If you are dating someone and he likes to hang out with his friend, who so happens to be a girl...get with the program.

It all boils down to one thing. TRUST

If you don't have trust, you don't have a worth-while relationship at all.

What are the key ingredients to a great relationship?
1) TRUST
2) Loyalty
3) Compassion
4) Good sex (joke, but not really)


If you don't trust him, don't be with him. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about what he could be doing or who he could be doing. What a waste of time (which is limited). Find someone you can say things like " Hope you have fun, babe"  and "say hi veronica for me" to. What's more attractive in a woman than confidence?

Be confident in your man. Be confident in your relationship. But most importantly, be confident in yourself, because if everything else fails, that's what you have left. That and ice cream.

Sometimes, we make bad calls, and we trust people who fail us. And then we have a hard time trusting ourselves in result of that.

If he cheats, here's what we learned (even if it hurts really badly):

1) He wasn't the right guy for you!
2) He didn't care enough about the relationship!
and
3) He is so into himself, that he's willing to let a treasure, like you, get away for some girl who doesn't know a damn thing about respecting relationships, and ya know what? that just makes them perfect for each other, and they can spend the rest of their short-lived relationship (or night) cheating on each other's shitty asses. and then you can laugh about and then feel bad for them. *breath

Did you notice that all the things we learned, were about him?

That's because none of the things that happened were about you. So don't sit there thinking "what's wrong with me?" and "why wasn't I enough?" ... IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU and EVERYTHING TO WITH WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM!

The one thing you might be able to learn about yourself from this experience?

That you are whole by yourself! He didn't complete you, and therefor, he isn't taking anything from you when he walks his sorry ass out the door.

This is what you need to know, You will find a man who cares about you and respects you enough to stay loyal and faithful to you, and he won't be the piece that completes you (since you are whole by yourself) but more like an upgrade to your already awesome-self. Somebody who enhances all the true beauty you already have. A complimentary color.

I was that annoying girlfriend once. Never again.

So make a pact with yourself.

Only date boys you trust and don't be that jealous, insecure, bitchy girlfriend that no-one likes.


Food for thought,

Han B.

Open Letter to One-Night-Stand Mackenzie

This is a letter I wrote after reading an entertaining yet, slightly disturbing article by a girl I don't know. 

Here's where you can read the original article.

http://universityprimetime.com/school/jmu/event/must-read-a-letter-to-a-one-night-stand-absolutely-amazing-going-viral

Dear Mackenzie,

    I too have thought about what people might think after I post this blog, and believe me, I'm sure this might insult some people. Alas, my intentions are neither to insult or degrade anyone, rather to openly and respectfully give my thoughts on some things you expressed in your letter. I acknowledge that you can't be much different than me in regards to your strong-feminist ideals that you openly speak of on the internet. With that being said, I perceive some of the topic differently than you seem to, and would love to share my thoughts on it!

Lets begin here:

While it is seemingly true that "The so-called “whores” got (get) all the attention from guys", can we also consider the boys who are looking for women who have the reputation of a "whore"? And by "get" do you mean, "get to sleep with"?  I have no problems with women going out and having a few drinks and enjoying the company of a sweet or not so sweet guy, but are you really expecting much more? I mean honestly? Do you really think you are going to meet the man of your dreams while he is quite obviously boozing and scrounging around for a one-night-stand? 

Hey, if you wanna go out and end up exploring someone else's body until sunrise, that is absolutely OK! You are allowed to do whatever you want with your body! It's a beautiful thing! Nobody should label you as anything for that, especially a guy who went out seeking the same thing that night. 

Here's where my opinion may vary from yours; in your letter you seem to be almost bitter at the fact that a boy doesn't want to take you home to meet his parents after spending the night with you, or for that matter doesn't even want to make eye-contact with you. While you are completely entitled to your liberal views on sexuality, you must also understand and accept the idea that boys (and I don't mean men) might frown upon this kind of behavior (and yes, I completely acknowledge how contradictory boys with this attitude are).

Why?

In my opinion, I could never fault a guy for not choosing to respect a girl who (in their eyes) does not appear to respect themselves. Now, please don't confuse that statement with me saying that a woman who is sexually devious does not respect herself. I am stating that this may indeed, be the way that a boy might view her, for whatever reason he believes to be true. 

I think that being able to express your sexuality in whatever way you chose to, is a really valuable liberty, but I also see why that may deter a boy (or girl) from choosing to pursue anything more with said one-night-stander. 

I don't think choosing to express oneself sexually, makes anyone, any less of a person. I don't the number of sexual encounters a person has, devalues them as a human being. 

I just want to point out, that we are as entitled to our sexual liberties as a contradicting boy may be to his opinion of a girl after a one-night-stand. 

While, I enjoyed your letter, I couldn't help but notice that the message wasn't necessarily directed  towards a point I would have liked to support. 

My main point: If you give a boy the idea that you are ok with being his sex object for the night (or vice-versa) you can also expect to be treated like a sex object for the remainder of your "relationship" with that individual. First impressions are (unfortunately) everything, in a world where boys prey on women who let them. 

Demand respect, and you will get nothing less. 

As a woman you are the gatekeeper, if you want to let a drunk guy wander in while you're on watch, that's up to you, but you can also expect him to wander out with a hangover in the morning. 

Food for thought,

Han B.