A while ago I stumbled across an article called "Dear Daughter: I Hope You Have Some Fucking Awesome Sex" ...I had thoughts on it immediately after reading it, but didn't write about it. I am currently taking a Human Sexuality class in school, and I really enjoy it, but today's lecture reminded me of this article and now I have to write about the "Non-condoning culture" I believe in.
In my other blogs I talk about having an open sexuality and engaging in whatever kind of devious practices you chose to enjoy on your own time, so as a reader, you can assume my intention is not to outright "shame" people for having active sex-lives. Instead, I wanted to talk about the beauty in keeping the traditional act of discouraging and not condoning teens and children to have sex at young ages.
My professor compared the rate of teen-pregnancies, abortions, and STDs in the United States today to the rates in those of European countries. The United States was noticeably higher than the rates of the European countries compared in the graph. He then went on to say that the reason he believes this is the case, is because of Europe's open-sexual-education policy. The concept is that, with an open-mind and open-dialog policy about sex, teens are less likely to contract STDs and more likely to engage in safe sex, due to the education provided. This, I cannot disagree with. It would seem that this would be a plausible-direct-effect of sexual education.
Of coarse, playing devil's advocate, I had to ask the question, "How do these rates compare to countries where premarital sex is shamed by way of disownment, violence, and even death?" I know, it's not really a statistic we could ever obtain due to the societal-shame-factor involved, meaning even if the statistics where significantly lower, we would never know because nobody would ever be able to speak-up about premarital sex experiences in fear of being "shamed" (whatever that term may mean in said culture).
I am certainly not, condoning, in any way, shaming, by way of violence (verbal or physical), disownment, or death... but instead bringing back the traditional idea that sex, is something that parents should not be condoning, in anyway, with teens and children.
For me, personally, the "sex-talk" was an on-going conversation through-out my teen-years with my parents. They always had answers to my question, and I knew I could ask them anything I needed/wanted to about sex, anatomy, and other related topics, thats not to say I always did, or that I wasn't ever too embarrassed to ask (know your boundaries people and thank God for Google). This kind of open-relationship allowed me to feel confident that my parents trusted and respected my siblings and I, and had our backs in whatever situation we found ourselves in. This kind of honesty leads to a healthy relationship and parent-offspring bonding every family should strive for.
While my parents had an open-dialog policy about sex, they DID NOT in any way, ever condone premarital sex. My parents never pushed, but rather educated us on their personal views of religion. My intention is not to make this a religious debate, but to show the reader that religious or not, this standard can be upheld in any household. They didn't condone premarital sex out of pure concern for the health of us (their children), not because of religious views.
Here's where my opinion varies from "Dear Daughter Daddy"
Obviously, I am biased to my own upbringing when I say this, but I believe in the "non-condoning culture" when it comes to sex. Sex should not be "shamed" nor should parents teach their children to feel shame or guilt when engaging in sexual acts, but more or less, not be indifferent to such acts.
Here's why:
On a very basic note, creating and teaching a level of respect and acknowledgment of intimacy for the act of sex, can only do humanity good. I'm not asking parents to lie to their kids and tell them that sex will kill them, but to entertain the idea of creating a sense of fulfillment that can only come from having respectable and honest sexual relations. By honest, I mean honest with themselves. Helping your children create an awareness of the beauty in intimacy.
I want to give my children the opportunity to respect my thoughts as a parent, or at the very least to break rules as teens (a feeling we all know well and look back upon fondly), both of which I feel are important experiences.
Bottom line, teach your children to respect themselves and hope that when the time comes they have a healthy and safe sex-life. Be honest and open, but teach the values of waiting and honoring one's body. I promise your kids will learn to love you for it.
Thanks Mom and Dad,
Han B.
My professor compared the rate of teen-pregnancies, abortions, and STDs in the United States today to the rates in those of European countries. The United States was noticeably higher than the rates of the European countries compared in the graph. He then went on to say that the reason he believes this is the case, is because of Europe's open-sexual-education policy. The concept is that, with an open-mind and open-dialog policy about sex, teens are less likely to contract STDs and more likely to engage in safe sex, due to the education provided. This, I cannot disagree with. It would seem that this would be a plausible-direct-effect of sexual education.
Of coarse, playing devil's advocate, I had to ask the question, "How do these rates compare to countries where premarital sex is shamed by way of disownment, violence, and even death?" I know, it's not really a statistic we could ever obtain due to the societal-shame-factor involved, meaning even if the statistics where significantly lower, we would never know because nobody would ever be able to speak-up about premarital sex experiences in fear of being "shamed" (whatever that term may mean in said culture).
I am certainly not, condoning, in any way, shaming, by way of violence (verbal or physical), disownment, or death... but instead bringing back the traditional idea that sex, is something that parents should not be condoning, in anyway, with teens and children.
For me, personally, the "sex-talk" was an on-going conversation through-out my teen-years with my parents. They always had answers to my question, and I knew I could ask them anything I needed/wanted to about sex, anatomy, and other related topics, thats not to say I always did, or that I wasn't ever too embarrassed to ask (know your boundaries people and thank God for Google). This kind of open-relationship allowed me to feel confident that my parents trusted and respected my siblings and I, and had our backs in whatever situation we found ourselves in. This kind of honesty leads to a healthy relationship and parent-offspring bonding every family should strive for.
While my parents had an open-dialog policy about sex, they DID NOT in any way, ever condone premarital sex. My parents never pushed, but rather educated us on their personal views of religion. My intention is not to make this a religious debate, but to show the reader that religious or not, this standard can be upheld in any household. They didn't condone premarital sex out of pure concern for the health of us (their children), not because of religious views.Here's where my opinion varies from "Dear Daughter Daddy"
Obviously, I am biased to my own upbringing when I say this, but I believe in the "non-condoning culture" when it comes to sex. Sex should not be "shamed" nor should parents teach their children to feel shame or guilt when engaging in sexual acts, but more or less, not be indifferent to such acts.
Here's why:
On a very basic note, creating and teaching a level of respect and acknowledgment of intimacy for the act of sex, can only do humanity good. I'm not asking parents to lie to their kids and tell them that sex will kill them, but to entertain the idea of creating a sense of fulfillment that can only come from having respectable and honest sexual relations. By honest, I mean honest with themselves. Helping your children create an awareness of the beauty in intimacy.
I want to give my children the opportunity to respect my thoughts as a parent, or at the very least to break rules as teens (a feeling we all know well and look back upon fondly), both of which I feel are important experiences.
Bottom line, teach your children to respect themselves and hope that when the time comes they have a healthy and safe sex-life. Be honest and open, but teach the values of waiting and honoring one's body. I promise your kids will learn to love you for it.
Thanks Mom and Dad,
Han B.
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