For all of you who didn't get to see, my recent article was published in Arsenic Magazine! I posted the content here as well, for you to enjoy!!
The modern woman is as confusing
as ever (if not more). When it comes to dating, let’s face it; men don’t know
what we want (as usual), but this time, I don’t think it’s their fault. I think
that as a collective of strong women, we don’t know what we want, and when we
do, we don’t know how to draw the line between chivalry and equality (if there
is one). We want to be treated like ladies, but we also want the pay we deserve.
We want to be able to open our doors, but have someone beat us to it. We want
to be able to provide for ourselves, but know that someone else is willing.
It’s not an easy task, deciding
what we want and when we want it, and it’s even harder for men to catch
on.
I think that this topic is more or
less the struggle of strong women. Some
girls, let boys pay for things, fight their fights, and fix their cars. Those
are not the girls who care to read this article, and there will be boys who
will cater to the needy-needs of girls like that.
Some boys may choose to forgo this
modern oddity we call chivalry, because they are simply not fit to compete.
These are the boys who find themselves in pet-relationships, where a needy-girl
will tell him what to do, and he will do it (and feel like a man doing it).
Mind you, this is NOT because she is a strong woman or because he is a
manly-man. This dynamic is one that exists between two people who seek security
in their partners needs.
For all the men who care to
compete for the heart of a modern woman, you should know a few things.
We want you to (want to) open
doors, walk on the street side, and pay for our dinners, but we also want you
to know that we are perfectly capable of doing it ourselves. I don’t think it’s
something we should expect from you but I do think we all appreciate these
respectful behaviors. Modern dating is just different (period). Women are more
self-sufficient than ever and I think this can be intimidating to some boys.
This is where it becomes a competition. Now, men don’t have to compete only with
other men, but they must also compete with the women they’re dating too. Prove
to us that we should prefer you to everyone else. Prove to us that you’re the
guy we should spend our time with. Prove to us that you understand our needs
and want to take care of us, when we can’t.
In return, we will do the same (equality).
To have expectations going into a
date is fine; just know that what you’re looking for may not be what he or she
has to offer. Equality doesn’t have to play a part in our personal
relationships if we don’t want it to. Some of us prefer to be in domineering
relationships (on both ends), while others prefer to share things
equally-across the board. It just so happens that most women seek partners who
make them feel safe, and that comes in the form of chivalry. Feeling like you
want a man to take care of you doesn’t mean that it has to carry over into your
professional life. I think that’s when things get sticky. People often think that
we have to be consistent to be right and that’s just not the case when it comes
to dating and professional matters. If I walk into work and a male co-worker
doesn’t step out of the way and hold the door for me, I’m not going to be
offended; we’re not trying to date each other, therefor I don’t expect him to
try and make me feel safe. When I show up for a date, I seek certain
characteristics in a man, just the same as he seeks certain behaviors in a
woman, and for the relationship to go any further I expect to feel safe with
him. Call it chivalry; call it whatever
you want, but it’s something most women prefer to have in a mate.
If we were expected to align our
beliefs on equality with our dating preferences, sex would be a lot less fun.
Don’t ask us to decide between chivalry
and equality. We don’t need to.
Food for thought,
Han B.
