Equality VS Chivalry

For all of you who didn't get to see, my recent article was published in Arsenic Magazine! I posted the content here as well, for you to enjoy!!

The modern woman is as confusing as ever (if not more). When it comes to dating, let’s face it; men don’t know what we want (as usual), but this time, I don’t think it’s their fault. I think that as a collective of strong women, we don’t know what we want, and when we do, we don’t know how to draw the line between chivalry and equality (if there is one). We want to be treated like ladies, but we also want the pay we deserve. We want to be able to open our doors, but have someone beat us to it. We want to be able to provide for ourselves, but know that someone else is willing.

It’s not an easy task, deciding what we want and when we want it, and it’s even harder for men to catch on. 

I think that this topic is more or less the struggle of strong women.  Some girls, let boys pay for things, fight their fights, and fix their cars. Those are not the girls who care to read this article, and there will be boys who will cater to the needy-needs of girls like that.

Some boys may choose to forgo this modern oddity we call chivalry, because they are simply not fit to compete. These are the boys who find themselves in pet-relationships, where a needy-girl will tell him what to do, and he will do it (and feel like a man doing it). Mind you, this is NOT because she is a strong woman or because he is a manly-man. This dynamic is one that exists between two people who seek security in their partners needs.

For all the men who care to compete for the heart of a modern woman, you should know a few things.

We want you to (want to) open doors, walk on the street side, and pay for our dinners, but we also want you to know that we are perfectly capable of doing it ourselves. I don’t think it’s something we should expect from you but I do think we all appreciate these respectful behaviors. Modern dating is just different (period). Women are more self-sufficient than ever and I think this can be intimidating to some boys. This is where it becomes a competition. Now, men don’t have to compete only with other men, but they must also compete with the women they’re dating too. Prove to us that we should prefer you to everyone else. Prove to us that you’re the guy we should spend our time with. Prove to us that you understand our needs and want to take care of us, when we can’t.  In return, we will do the same (equality).

To have expectations going into a date is fine; just know that what you’re looking for may not be what he or she has to offer. Equality doesn’t have to play a part in our personal relationships if we don’t want it to. Some of us prefer to be in domineering relationships (on both ends), while others prefer to share things equally-across the board. It just so happens that most women seek partners who make them feel safe, and that comes in the form of chivalry. Feeling like you want a man to take care of you doesn’t mean that it has to carry over into your professional life. I think that’s when things get sticky. People often think that we have to be consistent to be right and that’s just not the case when it comes to dating and professional matters. If I walk into work and a male co-worker doesn’t step out of the way and hold the door for me, I’m not going to be offended; we’re not trying to date each other, therefor I don’t expect him to try and make me feel safe. When I show up for a date, I seek certain characteristics in a man, just the same as he seeks certain behaviors in a woman, and for the relationship to go any further I expect to feel safe with him.  Call it chivalry; call it whatever you want, but it’s something most women prefer to have in a mate.

If we were expected to align our beliefs on equality with our dating preferences, sex would be a lot less fun.

Don’t ask us to decide between chivalry and equality. We don’t need to.

Food for thought,

Han B.

Understanding a Germaphobe 101

Mysophobia (Verminophobia) (from Greek μύσος - musos, "uncleanness"[1] and φόβος - phobos, "fear";[2] colloquially germophobia/germaphobia, a combination of germ and phobia to mean "fear of germs", as well as bacillophobia, and bacteriophobia) is a pathological fear of contamination and germs. 

As most of you know by my Facebook posts, or by actually knowing me in real-life (BIG DIFFERENCE); I am a super germaphobe. I will say that I have come quite a ways in my short life, but my trade-mark handshakes fool no one, I am still noticeably irritated by physical contact to say the least. Here's some facts about someone who has germ-anxieties, to help you better understand why you aren't helping at all when you say things like " germs are good for you" (we know that! shut up, seriously, shut up.).

1) most germ anxieties stem from even bigger anxieties that hide beneath the surface.

2) most of the time our tendencies are actually based on an obsessive compulsive feeling because obsessive compulsive disorder, germaphobia, hypochondriasis,  and general anxiety disorders come from the same place: fear of losing-control. 

3) no, germaphobes are not freaks; we just cope with our anxiety in a different way than you. Oh gosh, how horrible, someone avoids germs and cleans things excessively, I can't think of any other coping method that could be more horrible...(Sarcasm)

4) no, it's not just your hand. It's every single hand, EVER. To make this easier to understand; imagine that you have a common fear: the fear of spiders. You know that feeling that you get when you see one and want to scream and run away? Imagine that every time you go to shake someone's hand, a big fat ugly spider is sitting on it. PLEASANT. 

Many people (dumb people mainly) (kidding, but not really) (but kidding) (but not really), will ask me "well how come you can't just stop?" It's the same reason you don't jump off buildings and inhale water; fear. Although this fear seems irrational to most, it's a fear no less rational than the fear of death; because isn't that what all of our fears stem from anyway? And, if you ask me; death is a the most rational fear anyone could have ever.

Yeah, maybe there's a few steps between getting germs on your hands and dying (or maybe not), but there's also a few steps between jumping off a building and dying too (BAHAHAH, so morbid. Sorry, excuse my offensive sarcasm).

Facts

The worst part of a germaphobes' day is pressing the button to cross the street.

When you say baby, you might as well say germ.

We hold our breath in public restrooms.

When we say we're sick and don't want to shake your hand, we really mean we don't want to touch you

Now that you're all educated on the matter:

Here are some really good Gifs to even further your education about germaphobes.

What our ghost hand does every time someone tries to shake our real hand

How you think you're hugging us

How we think you're hugging us

How you think a handshake should go

How we think a handshake should go

How you think you look when you're laughing in our faces

How you look to us when you're laughing in our faces

Food for thought,


Han B.

Leaving your parents- The post grad chronicles

As many of you know (or may not know), I recently made the adventure of relocating from Michigan to Los Angeles! Having been here nearly a month now, I thought it would be a good time to talk about my post grad life experiences thus far.

THE MOVE

My mom so dared to endeavor on a week-long journey out to California with me in my little Veloster. We ran into some pretty tricky nights, including one where all of the highway got swept away by a flood, and left me thinking "why the fuck am I moving out here?" despite the fact that moving out to LA is all I've ever dreamed of. The next day we drove almost 300 miles out of the way to use the only other existing highway that was ridden with miles and miles of stand-still traffic, and again I thought " why the fuck am I moving out here?". We stopped and stayed with friends for the night in Las Vegas and with about 100 miles left in our tank, took off the next morning, only to find when we stopped for gas, the ENTIRE TOWN was out of power (which means NO GAS!). So, with about 40 miles left in the tank, we embark on a 40 mile trip to the next town over, hoping they have power and gas. 

Picture this:

My adorable little mom and myself in a tiny car, packed with everything I own, driving 40 in a 70, with the windows up, bellies out, dripping sweat, and praying we won't be human jerky in this 105 degree weather; all while thinking we are being more gas efficient in our efforts. And again I think to myself "WHY THE FUCK AM I MOVING OUT HERE?!".

Just two hours out of LA, I get an email from a potential employer asking if I can meet with him in; wait for it... 3 hours! The answer is yes, not because I want it to be, but because it has to be, because NO, I AM NOT TOO BUSY TO TRY AND IMPRESS YOU SO THAT I CAN ACTUALLY AFFORD TO EAT. 

We skate into town with 45 minutes to spare, I jump in the shower and we're off to my interview before I can even take a breath. 

AT A STARBUCKS JUST MINUTES LATER

We pull up to the curb and have the quick discussion of how we don't know each other and how we will avoid looking like we came together ( because who wants to hire someone who showed up to an interview with their mommy????) and next thing ya know I'm sitting across from a stunning man offering me a job on the spot while I avoid eye contact and overly excited giggles with my mom sitting just on the other side of the courtyard. 

HIRED

LUCKIEST GIRL ON PLANET

OH YEAH, THIS IS WHY I MOVED OUT HERE

If you hadn't guessed it already, about mid-interview, I guiltily pointed out my mother in the courtyard and word-vomitted to my future employer that she had come along because I had just gotten into town, which he took surprisingly well. 

DAYS FOLLOWING THE HIRRIVAL

My dad joins us out in California for my parents 29th anniversary, which they spend putting together Ikea furniture with me in my brand new apartment. 

I HAVE THE BEST PARENTS EVER

After a couple days of setting everything up and shopping and shopping more, it's time for my parents to leave. I bring them to the airport and attempt to keep them here forever. FAIL. Ever since grade school, I have been as independent as a girl can be. I went to summer camps for months; for many summers of my childhood, and never had problems with being homesick, but nothing could have prepared me for this moment of realization. I didn't even feel torn, I just felt like I didn't want to be away form my parents, EVER. The icky feeling of real adulthood set in and I cried. 

Yes, read it a couple times if you need to, I CRIED. 

I balled like a baby while I drove around that stupid airport traffic circle for hours while I tried to find my way out through blurry eyes and asshole drivers. 

I finally found my way home to my empty-stale apartment, where I had to sleep alone that night...and the rest of the nights to come. 

If you think you will never have this moment, I promise that you will. It will be the night you turn the keys, open the door and peak into a strange empty place called post-grad life that exists only for those who dare leave home. 

I realize that this moment probably happens a lot sooner or a lot later for some people (no matter your family dynamic), but nonetheless, I encourage you let it all out and cry like a baby too, because It's scary and growing up is scary too. 

Here's a couple things that have saved me in the past month:

1. Skype- skype the shit out of everyone who reminds you of home. 

I could only think of one. But don't worry, I will be writing my next post on "How to live in LA alone-as a semi-introverted, germophobic, female" later, so look forward to that.

Plenty of tips to come!

-Han B

I Graduated Today.

Framily (friends and family)

            I am excited to announce that today; I took my final exam at Central Michigan University.  I have been working like a mad woman to complete my degree in a timely fashion. Although my school career has been a little hastier than most, I didn’t miss out on much. I leave college with some lifetime friendships, great memories, and a Bachelors Degree in Entrepreneurship and Marketing.  Thank you to everyone who has made this a memorable experience for me.  I’m afraid if I tried to acknowledge everyone who has helped, you would get bored of reading all of the names, so instead I will let you share in this moment of thanking my parents…

Mom and Dad

These words won’t put a dent in the amount of admiration I have for you guys.  I wanted to tell you how thankful I am for providing me with the opportunity to attend college. In my time here at school, my respect for you and your choices has grown immensely. I can finally begin to fathom how much work and effort you have put into providing your children with educations.

Although I never learned how to follow rules, (specifically ones provided by parking services) college has been the ultimate gift for me. I feel confident and excited about the opportunities to come and whether they require a degree or not, you will be the only reason they are presented to me at all.

Your love and support is the foundation to any and all of my personal success. Thank you for all of your hard work and support, without you none of this would have been possible.

All my love,

Hannah

SENIOR YEAR

JUNIOR YEAR

SOPHOMORE YEAR

 FRESHMAN YEAR

Not pregnant, not engaged, and not married. Not mad.

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO INSULT THOSE WHO ARE MARRIED OR PREGNANT OR BOTH.

Read it again if you have to...

I'm gonna start out by saying, I may or may not have "attachment" issues. Note, that I didn't say "commitment" issues, because this is very different. I have no problem committing to things. I can commit to a job, a dog, a cat, a degree, ahhh.... ummm...a... oh, wait, not much else... I can commit to myself! 

I am so dangerously (for my ovaries sake) far away from "attaching" myself to anything or anyone who might alter MY plans. I know, lots of people like to call it, having commitment issues, but I could not disagree more. 

I won't deny that I am far too selfish to focus on anyone else right now, but I have never felt more ready for my life. It seems like most everyone is getting married and having babies on my Facebook feed, and while I feel excited and happy for them to start the next chapter of their lives, I could not feel more relieved my own plans differ so much.

I have every intention to get married one day and have tens of thousands of babies (wow right?) with that beautiful man, but I am not the least bit concerned with doing it in this very moment. 

SO, 

This blog is meant to be a bit of encouragement for you ladies rockin' the un-attached lifestyle !

Here are some things you can look forward to in your un-attached style of living:

1) Un-attached does NOT in, any way, mean ALONE. 

Enjoy a committed relationship, or two, or three! In fact enjoy any relationship, you're allowed too! Some people say you only date to marry, I say date if it makes you happy! What could be so wrong about enjoying good company, even if your paths lead different ways? Talk to the cutie in your class. Date him if ya want to :D

2) You can live ANYWHERE!

Think of all the beautiful, exotic, dangerous places you can go...YOU CAN GO THERE. You're at a point where you can decide things based on your feelings, and your feelings alone. WOOT WOOT

3) You can have cats and dogs galore. 

I know, I guess that doesn't seem that cool to anybody else but me...but I'm stoked about it. 

4) You can have your dream job.

Take this time to do all the things that you're passionate about, and if you don't know, find the things you're passionate about. Work up to the position your little heart desires without the worries of when you're gonna get home!

5) You can have a clean apartment...or house..or tent. 

You have the option of living in the cutest little girly place you can find if it's what you fancy...how fabulous? I have never enjoyed my living situation more, than when I lived by myself. I walked around in my undies 70% of the time, and I only had to do my own dishes! YUM. 

6) Your vast network of friends will undoubtably be over for wine night.

Boyfriends, boyfriend, or no boyfriend, you can always rely on your good friends for a awesome night. I guarantee your best friend snuggles better that any guy you could possibly want to take home.

I know that's only six things...but use your brain, there are plenty of reasons to love being in a relationship with yourself. 

Stop trying to tie yourself down. Embrace the beautiful un-attached lifestyle!

Travel, work towards something, friend as hard as you can, and enjoy a glass of wine in the nude of your adorable, clean apartment in the most fabulous place you can imagine.  

This blog  would be incomplete without some cheezy Independent woman music video at the end...

Food for thought,

Han B.